My husband has lost interest in me. can i bring back his trust and interest in me?

i had an affair for 3 months two years ago which i had ended immediately then and now i don't have any contact with that guy neither i want to see him again but my husband doesn't believe me. we have a long time relationship of 10 years. ( 5 yrs of courtship and 5 yrs of marriage) and he knows well that i am generally not interested in talking to men. but he still abuses me and call me a characterless women however it was he because of whose rough and careless behavior towards me made me attracted to that guy who made me feel so special. my husband had never shown me any care or love after marriage i always felt like he is fed up of me. but now he says he loved me but never showed me and now he hates me most in the world. guys! i m repenting a lot since last 2 years but he does not believe me and continuously hurts me mentally. we have 2 kids and he loves them very much. i don't wanna leave him as it will deprive my children of their father's love but his rough behavior is also intolerable for me. only i know that i didn't have any physical relations with the other guy neither i let him be open to me as he is also married and i didn't want to ruin his family. but my family life is totally hurt now. i know that i don't wanna have any kind of relation with that guy but my husband don't believe me. he doesn't even allow me to touch him. however he knows that he didn't behave well with me but according to him a good wife should rather die than having outer relation even if her husband torture him mentally or physically. he has a lot of female colleagues having close relation with him however i didn't allow any gents colleague of mine even to call me after working hours before this happened. i m totally broken thinking that i tolerated a lot of his relation but he is not forgiving me for a mistake which i did out of grief and desperation of being ignored by my husband. i really love my husband. pliz advice me what should be my behavior to him to get my self respect back and to win his trust as i always beg him ti forgive me. i feel very low. he has found a new excuse to hurt me for my whole life and to be open to his women friends. pliz help!!!!!!1